I’m thinking too much. Thinking isn’t bad, it’s just that I’m thinking too much. Once I have considered a thought, I get stuck in consideration instead of doing what I had considered. And then when that happens, I don’t get anything done, I think; therefore I don’t. I need to get out of my head, and then I’ll be doing instead of thinking about what doing looks like.

I thought it was because of all the other reasons for why people say we procrastinate. That some people are afraid of the outcome of something that they want to do, but don’t commit to that something for fear of whatever reason. But I doubt that’s me fully.

Right now, I’m not afraid of the outcome, I’m excited about the outcome of what I’m doing and can’t wait to do it again, it’s the overthinking of the income that’s putting me on pause. The self debate of how I should do or continue to do what I do is what I’m procrastinating about.

I’m not having a problem with getting things out because of what would happen, I’m constantly getting stuck on the method, workflow, or tools I want to use that would help me to get things out.

The flow of the income that’s coming to me from God is not overwhelming, but is a lot. At this point, I don’t even want to open any app or watch anything because He is teaching me so much in everything; which is good; but with what He is teaching there goes another output I need to commit to that I want to commit to, but with another income to overthink comes an output that doesn’t happen.

I have so many things lined up in queue that needs to be done that I just don’t want to add to what I already have, so then I just cut out sources of income. I guess that’s still good because I’m not online as much as I used to be anymore.

But to much is given, much is expected, as I’m told, but then I may be messing myself up because I may be placing my expectations of what to do with what has been given to me; placing those expectations next to God’s expectations of what He has of me, thinking that what He wants of me is the same as what I should expect to be doing. And I think this is what I’m doing to myself.

And so, here I go thinking and thinking again on tangents of thought. When I was doing less thinking and more doing I had momentum, and then it stops and even when there is no one else to distract me, I’m reliably here front and center distracting myself with my thoughts. What just came to mind was thought blockage…is this what this is? After looking the term up, it says it means that there is a sudden stoppage or gap in a train of thought. I don’t want to self-diagnose myself over a temporary condition, but this does feel like that.

Then it’s thoughts and distractions from the world that I think about not wanting to reproduce; the enemy that I am trying to avoid would be giving me ideas, ideas that I once thought were fruitful and good to do when I was of the world; but I would rather not do them anymore.

And by not having a firm grasp of the flow of thoughts that are coming and what I want to do with them at times, I end up just thinking and thinking on them; enjoying the process of meditating on the theories to maybe even sometimes working on them a little and publishing some; but when it’s time, the stream, and momentum of production is cut short because I’m spending more time thinking and less time doing. I think it needs to be the other way around.

Why am I doing this?

This sounds like my old perfectionist habits coming up again.

• Probably because I get stuck in theories and end up being my gatekeeper of application – perfectionism
• It could be that I’m more comfortable sticking to a method that’s been working for me and not going through with a new method that may be more efficient for me, but since I’m just not comfortable with it yet, I don’t do it, I don’t commit— okay this one sounds like fear of a different outcome than what I’m accustomed to
• Some things that I have done in the past didn’t work, and so I think about those times and don’t do what I can do now, thinking this would prevent me from doing what I did in the past that didn’t work. This may be the reason for why I over processed and spend too much time redacting my illustrations and writings — okay, this one does sound like fear of outcome now
  

So, I don’t think it’s completely fear of outcome, but definitely is a part of it. But I still think my main issue is mostly the fear of having the wrong process to produce said outcome that I would like to see. I don’t like to waste time and don’t want to spend time working on the wrong process when I could have used that time to work on the right process…but if I don’t do anything at all and always think about preventing what I don’t want to do, then how will I know what the right process looks like? … Okay, I think I just solved my problem here.

I don’t mean to, but I think I’m subconsciously also trying to have control over the process or the outcome when that’s God’s position, and that too could be the cause of my friction because trying to control things, especially the process, never works out. That’s like me attempting to control God. He could be showing me this in my friction of procrastination because He has already told me to stop thinking and to just do what He has told me to do, which results in me being still and knowing that God is God, and I am not.

He has and is reminding me that He is the Mind, and I am a part of His Body. That He gave me His Mind, and I’m attempting to think for Him when He is doing the thinking for me. Two minds aren’t better than one in this type of situation because the friction comes when I am contemplating doing something in a certain type of way while God would be thinking about something that I should be doing in His Way and then nothing gets done because I wouldn’t be doing His Will but fighting to do my own…while wanting to resist doing my own at the same time. I need to be still and remember that He is I AM, and I am His paintbrush… paintbrushes do what the welder says and wields according to His Will, they don’t think they do.

With all the things I have learned and methods of applications I have come by, I may also be comparing those methods to my process of production, my process of doing, while trying to get the same result with a different method. And worse, I may be trying to compare the processes I have seen to God’s process of what He is doing to again make my own stumbling block of overthinking. So instead of doing to see the result, I just don’t… I think about it; trying to control the process before committing, resulting in committing to thought and not action — no action = no fruit. No fruit means I’m not committed to Jesus and His method because with Him there is fruit — without Him there is none and with none. I’m not with Jesus on my thoughts and what I’m thinking about in terms of what I want to do…which is why lately, I’m not getting much done… I’m not putting Him first in my thoughts or focusing on His Kingdom first; instead, I’m focusing on my thoughts and not His. This is where I’m getting stuck.

So, this is what He means when He is telling me to stop thinking and just do…my thinking is causing me to not obey Him right now.

This is Why it may be better to know less as compared to the world we live in today that is telling us in this Age of information that we need to know more to be more efficient, more “productive”, and more intelligent. I beg to differ on that and I remember telling someone that it’s good that you don’t know how to work a computer as I do, when they had said to me that they wished that they knew how to get around tech, likely I did. They wished that they knew more. I told them it’s convenient and sometimes fun, but at the same time I would rather have not known the things that I know now if I could switch it up for peace of mind to not have to think about all that I “know” and to just know nothing whatsoever. Knowing about a lot of things is not all that great.

Maybe that’s another reason for why I overthink the process of doing something because I may be fearing that the process that I’m pondering on is my process and not God’s. I would then “tend” to my thinking and not my actions when I would remember the results of my ways and processes not bringing forth fruit in the past. This combined with me not wanting to waste time brings the result of — I don’t commit.

Again, this is a roadblock of my own because if what I’m thinking about is God’s process that He has given me to do, and I don’t trust Him to go through with doing it, then I end up thinking too much about the “much that has been given” part and condemn myself about the “much is expected” part without actually having faith in the One who gave me the input that I’m getting. This is all even after knowing that He knows what’s best for me and knows how to handle what has been given to me, while teaching me how to handle all that He would have given to me.

He may be sharing with me all the things that He wants to do with me and in me in this ministry; but naturally, when He talks, I intend to obey instantly, and I could end up thinking that what He is sharing with me is what I’m supposed to be doing right now, when in reality, He may just be sharing with me what all Will be done. And in my own way of thinking I think I am trying to ponder on how it all will be done and feel too overwhelmed in thinking about it, to again end up with doing nothing at all.

I do like to do what I do with what I do; I enjoy the outcome of what I do, but I don’t like what comes with knowing so much sometimes because then I just go thinking about what I am familiar with, expecting the familiarity to bring forth fruit and I don’t do what I got in front of me because my familiar thoughts are what I know already, and I’m comfortable acting on those, instead of having faith in Jesus who tells me what is unknown that I must do.

So by over thinking about what will be done —if this is the case— I don’t get what is supposed to be done right now. I’m literally at the bottom of this letter and still contemplating about hitting publish…why do I do this?

I believe this is why He tells us,

“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” …

God is standing with me and for me while guiding and teaching me His Way that I should go, which means He thinks and plans, not I. And when He plans, He speaks. When He speaks, I hear, so then — I do. I do instead of going to the right and to the left in my head thinking about what “doing” looks like when I listen to Him.

This is why I’m glad that with all the things that I have been given that Jesus only tells me what I need to do in the moment and does not give me too much information about what would be done in the future because it would just be too much, resulting in me not doing anything at all.

When inspiration strikes I need to just do by Praying, Prepping, Producing, and Publishing and not think — all of which involves action. Because, having faith in Jesus is how the Work of God is fulfilled; not just in having thoughts or having knowledge about Jesus alone.

I think I have said thinking too much in this letter. As I am turning to the right and to the left, I hear Him telling me that I need to have faith in Him when He tells me don’t think, just do.

See also:

• Knowing about a lot of things is not all that great

For every essay, note, video, podcast, and blog post that I prep, curate, and produce, I like to think of them like they are legal cases. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that they are legal cases.

• Each case has its message and its argument.
  
• Each case has to go through prep, while the preparation should not be rushed to prevent making unnecessary and preventable errors. This is the case for me in how I take my time before I finish and push the post button on a video or a writing piece.
  
• Each case presentation would be seen in how I handle each work that I am posting or publishing online or in other words — to the public.
  
• The very act of posting a writing, animation, or video that I would finish and present to the public is like presenting a case that would be argued before a courtroom of the public.
  
• The reactions or responses to comments on what I would post and publish to the public reminds me of what it would be like when a jury gives its verdict upon hearing and seeing the presentation of a case. It wouldn’t necessarily mean that the conclusion of the verdict would be true or correct, but it does remind me of that because the jury gives their response to the case, after the case has been argued or litigated. This all happens in the comment section of a posting.
  

Hopefully, mob mentality would not rule the decision of the verdict in the comment section, but this is, sadly, usually the case for what would be considered corrupt and TMZ magazine style online cases.

Me presenting cases; in the form of me publishing my work; would be like the act of trying to convince a random jury and even a corrupt prosecutor of why I am making my case; so I need to remember to practice prudence in my speech and being careful in my approach and speech with others, even in my responses to mob mentality comments, attacks, and false accusations against me; which if I am not careful I would become just like them, while claiming to be speaking against their methods; which in itself is practicing unrighteous judgment.

Even though they may say whatever they would say to me with malicious intentions while likely trying to rule and persuade the comment section with sensationalism and charisma; I would have to remember that the Judge has eyes on the entire proceeding.

Every case that I would present, would not only be before the public, but would be before the Judge who is God. God is the only One that can judge me righteously with no error and helps me with my cases so that I may do the same and present my cases properly before the public.

God judges every jot and tittle that would be spoken. So, I must choose my words wisely, not just in the presentation of my cases, but also in the responses to the cases I would present — even if the other side chooses not to do the same.

Come to think of it, this is why I’m so glad that God took his time with me and continues to do so, before I started to produce and publish any type of content online because thinking back on my past unpublished audio and blog drafts, I would have been a very careless example of a lawyer for the LORD.

Each work is a legal case that should be handled delicately, as the truth should be rightly divided delicately. It’s not ever about winning a case; it’s about the presentation and the delivery of the truth in hopes that the receiving ear would lend their ear to listen and believe the truth — this is what is most important.

It is because of this that I should be watchful of my time and deny taking on certain cases that may be appealing to work on, but could cause more contempt instead of reconciliation with my Father. This too would be the practice of righteous judgment in not speaking on every matter, case and while practicing patience and self-control. There are many cases that may “need” attention, but this is the case for the harvest which is plenty, while the workers are few…

Time and resources are limited, even though I would be working with God who is not limited by time or resources, I still need to be a good steward of my time, which is limited.

All of this would be happening in the assembly before God while He would be teaching me what righteous judgment looks like while guiding me as I practice being a practitioner of the law by following, Him who is The Lawgiver.

I am noticing that in Him teaching me what righteous judgment is, that there must be those who practice unrighteous judgment present while I learn how to practice and be a practitioner of righteous judgment. This would be because while God is directing and showing me what not to do, I would see the false presentation of judgment by the opposing parties’ mannerisms of the flesh. So basically those who practice disobedience would be examples of what not to do in their false presentation of the law.

I want to reflect more on this because I think there is more to this, especially since I remember that I had a dream a while ago about being told I was a judge by a lawyer I didn’t know but for some reason knew they were a lawyer when they told me this and while I keep feeling led to the Book of Judges.